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Thursday, April 27th, 2006

Subject:head over feet
Time:11:46 am.
Mood: crushed.
It's funny how life changes so quick. When you're least expecting it. My car's Ball Joints blew out the other night in downtown Norfolk. (not a good place to be for those of you who don't know. And to top off the night!!! It started to thunder storm!!! I have $0 to fix it and I won't have any to fix it either. So, after finally being able to drive for 2 weeks, I am once again....a ride bumming bitch. The home front is alright. Brian and I don't exactly get along too well, but we're working on our communication skills. Working and living with Ryanne is fine. We get along just as well as we always have. I won't be seeing Brandon for a while. But I will live. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I got myself into. Now I'm going to be living in VA for another year for sure. It's not too bad living away from my parents. I'm used to it and I'm certainly not home sick. I miss my cat though. I can't have him here because Luna (the dog[pitbull]) is too crazy for him. But I get to love on him whenever I go to my moms. I miss my dog too. I know noone at that house takes care of her and loves her like she needs to be. Life isn't too bad right now, but I wish it was more than just the same old same old. I am starting the ampitheater season next week, so that should be cool. Something to get away from the rest of the world. Concerts do that for me, make me feel safe and at peace. They raised our pay to $8 a hour plus our tips. My sister is going to work there with me.
I had a whole long thing written out here, but I figured no one wants to hear about my self pity.

have a good day
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Tuesday, April 11th, 2006

Subject:I wish killing people wasn't illegal.
Time:8:30 pm.
Mood: fucking pissed.
I moved out on Saturday. The house is great and all and I love living there. I have the master bedroom and it's plenty big. I almost have everything unpacked and fixed, but my clothes were holding me back. Since we don't have a washer and dryer yet I have to come to my parents house to do laundry. Well this evening couldn't have gotten any worse, but I'm sure as soon as I'm done typing this it will find a way.

So after getting off of work at 4 i went to my sisters for a few and then went to my house to pick up my dirty clothes. Come back to my parents house to start a load. Well, I was out of fabric softener, and I had to go to the store and pick up the keys for Ryanne tomorrow anyway, so I was going to run into the store and get some while I was in the shopping center. WRONG! I go into Sally's to get the keys and as the girls are closing the fucking computer gets a goddamed Cobal Error. And Tech. Support has us on hold for a fucking hour. They finally get on with us and tell me what to do, and I do it........and guess what happenes next. That's right. ANOTHER FUCKING ERROR. So guess who gets to sit at Sally's NOT ON THE CLOCK for another 15 minutes trying to get through to Tech. Support all over again. ME!!! Fucking christ. This whole time there are 4 buses that pulled up on the side of the shopping center full of ghetto black kids who obviously can't read. So they ALL (yes, all 600 of them) decide to pull on the door and try to come in. As if the lights off doesn't say "hey man we're closed". So after fucking with Technical Support for an hour and 14 minutes too long, it finally get fixed and we can leave. Of course Dollar General is closed, so I had to go to Food Lion and buy my detergent. Finally getting home at 8:25 and start my laundry. I haven't eaten dinner yet, I've been awake since goddamned 7:30am and all I want to do is go home, and clean my room and eat some fucking dinner. Oh and to top it all off, some fuckass who doesnt know how to wash clothes got a cigarette in the dryer so I get to have tobacco all over my clean clothes. Fuck you Sally Beauty Supply. This is all your fault. I have made my mind up, and I don't care how much I get paid there and if I can have my piercings. I'm looking for a new job asap. I need to stop worring about fucking everyone else over and worry about myself. They're adults, they'll figure something out. Fucking christ. I am so pissed right now.

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Tuesday, March 7th, 2006

Subject:a three hour tour....a three hour tour
Time:10:18 pm.
Mood: cheerful.
Okay here it is folks. The last month in a nutshell.

I am working as much as I can to make some money. I've got a good amount saved up for when Ryanne, Brian and I move out. That will be in April. I fixed everything on my car except the tags. And the speakers, but I can live without music for the time being. So as soon as my new birth certificate comes int his week I'll have my license. Go me. I am also going to be starting work at Ocean Mystique soon. Probably by April. Not piercing, but doing sales. Which I am good at. I am also considering working at the Ampitheater again this summer. I had a lot of fun doing that last year and it will give me some extra spending money. Only problem there is.....if I am working three jobs, I will NEVER get to spend time with Brandon or anyone else really. Unless they come to the beach to see me. And if Brandon is going to be working too, then I definatly won't be able to hang out much. =( It's a good thing in so many ways, but it really sucks because of that. I hardly get to spend time with him as it is. So that will make it worse, I'm sure. Maybe I'm not meant to be in a relationship. =( I don't know. It makes me a ridiculous amount of sad though. But as of right now things with him and I are wonderful! He couldn't be any better. At first I was a little weird about having a boyfriend. But I've gotten used to him now! hah.

Other than that, Nine Inch Nails is next Tuesday. Joe is coming Monday night, and I finally get to see him! Last time I saw him was in May of 05...which seems like yesterday to tell you the truth. I can't believe that so much has happened in the last year....time really does fly....and not only when you're having fun. I've been miserable most of the last year, and it's already gone. Wow.

AND!!!!!!!!!!! Jerry just called me and told me that Tina is Pregnant!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA that bitch's life is ruined!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

oooh the gods love me!!

That is all.

Leave me some love.

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Wednesday, February 15th, 2006

Time:8:34 pm.
I had a great Valentines night. I hung out with Brandon and we made dinner together. I made awesome chicken and he made fantastic fried potatoes and his mom made some peas! It was all really good. So after dinner, we ventured into the living room where we started watching Corpse Bride. About half way through we stopped paying attention to the movie and we were talking about all sorts of things. Everything under the sun, I swear. I haven't been able to talk to someone like that since I met Andy. It felt really good to have someone to talk to like that again. And I wasn't sad when I talked about Andy either. Which I think is a big step for me. Brandon gave me the cutest stuffed cat, a pretty-ful pink rose and a sweet card too. I got him a card and a balloon, but his cat popped it! So then we started playing chess!! and I lost horribly both times, then we both realized that HOLY CRAP! It's 4:30am!! So we got our stuff together and he took me home. Said goodbye, and I went straight to bed. Woke up and went to work. It was a busy day. We have a ton of shipment to do and didn't get any done. So that's what I'll be working on for the next 2-3 days.

Jerry brought me a blue bear and a balloon, Lindz brought me chocolates! and Rob brought me a pretty yellow/peachy rose!! And Ryanne gave me a cute balloon too! Those are the bestest of the best. And Brandon too!!! Well that is all for now.

Take it sleazy you guys.
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Saturday, February 11th, 2006

Time:11:34 pm.
Mood: super fucking dooper.
Soooo....moving out with Ryanne and Brian is going to super fantastic. We're three totally hot smartasses and it's going to be fantastic. OF COURSE WE STILL HAVE A THIRD BEDROOM FOR SOMEONE *HINT HINT* WHEN THEY DECIDE THAT THE TIME IS RIGHT TO COME HERE AND LIVE WITH THE COOL CATS!!!!!

Well, it's going to be fantastic and I can't wait!!! Things are really starting to look up for me...Kinda. I know Ryanne and Brian are going to be my best friends, and they'll never do anything to hurt me. Well I already know Ryanne is my best friend. But the only thing that's going to be a little tough is being single. They're all happy together so sometimes I'm the third wheel. But I know where theyre coming from and I wouldn't be selfish with them. Theyre so amazing together!! WOW!

Well thats all folks, I'm heading to Mandys to drink it down and puke it up. HAHA I hope not that last part again....hahaha 80s night got me with all those Whisky and Gingerales!!! WOW!! ANyways...

You cats take it sleazy.....I LOVE YOU

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Tuesday, February 7th, 2006

Subject:I don't want it, I just need it...to breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive
Time:7:25 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
Round and round and round and round I go. Always in a circle. I think I meet someone who is worth putting my wall down for and the moment I do and they see the real me, they freak out and say that I'm a bitch. HELLO PEOPLE! what have I been saying forever now? Wrath is my favorite sin first of all...and Im a fucking female!! It's called HORMONES!!! Fucking christ.....First and foremost...I was not being moody. All I wanted to know what what time I was going to get home. I mean, my uncle is in the hospital dying and the Dr.s aren't giving him past the weekend to live. So I was supposed to go see him tonight, but didnt get to.
The only person I even want in my life isn't going to come and be in it. So what is the point of setting myself up for disapointment with these other kats? There isn't a point. So that's it. I give up for good. Fuck them and fuck me.
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Thursday, February 2nd, 2006

Subject:good news
Time:7:10 pm.
Mood: wowowowow.
my dad is so great. I wish everyone was like him. Then this world would be great.

Ryanne and I are moving out at the end of March. It's wonderful. We found a third roommate (which doesn't mean you can't come PJay...There is still room). This guy Steve is going to live with us. So that's cool. He was in the band Sic Seed and Unhinged. If you guys know about them at all. It was good stuff. He plays drums...going on 17 years now. Cool cat if you ask me. So it will work out and I'll be a lot happier. Maybe I wont have to pick up a second job. But either way, George said he's going to try and get me a job at Ocean Mystique this summer. I'd be doing sales but I'd still be in the Piercings and Tattoo environment so maybe I could do some apprenticing. I don't know if it's a good idea though.

Anyway...that is the update. Leave some lovin'.
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Monday, January 30th, 2006

Subject:For the love of gods people....
Time:9:06 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
Please...when I die. Have a fucking party. I want you to say "Thank gods she is finally dead!" And I want you to say this because I will be out of my misery for once. I will be back with him and things will be good. Who knows. Maybe in another life I will find you guys there...or I'll just have to wait and see you on the other side too.
Don't get me wrong. I am going to continue on and I am working really hard to put myself back together again. I guess that's why Humpty-Dumpty never got put back together. Because if you want something done right you've got to do it yourself. I'm the only one who can fix me, and only if I allow myself. Others can help of course...but it's up to me in the end.

Work isn't working out too well. I'm going nuts there. Ryanne say's we have to have another black girl to replace Aletha if I want her to fire her. So I'm on the look out. I think it's bullshit, but whatever. I want to stay because I like working with Her, Nakia, and Jamie. Plus I get full benefits, my vacation time starts up in July, and I can pretty much have which ever days I want off because Ryanne is cool and works with me on shit. It's fun sometimes, but the people that shop there are ignorant most of the time. Some woman today came in a left because she didn't want to get anything that I've touched. Apparently my face is gross and I look like a lepper, so she just left without getting anything. Even though we had everything she needed. So it's shit like that that kills me. Plus the disgusting shit Aletha does....like leaving a bag of vomit in the trashcan up front and not telling anyone so I can stick my hand in it the next morning. DIS-GUST-ING!!! So I THINK my plan is to...stick wth the company until September-ish and then leave. I want to work the Ampitheater again this summer, that was so much fun.

Well, holy hell...I have about a million things to do tonight. So fuck off now and wish me a young death.
Catch you kats later.
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Sunday, January 22nd, 2006

Subject:I hate you all
Time:10:05 pm.
Mood: fuck you.
Nobody needs me. Never did. Doesn't suprise me though. I always knew people could live on without me in their lives and it not be a problem.
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, January 12th, 2006

Subject:For you I will....
Time:2:06 pm.
Mood: crappy.
I don't know why you had to go on and treat me this way, you've got me disgusted with all these busted little games you play. You want me to break down, I'm not gonna do that now cause I'm not afraid. Now I can't stay, get out of the way..I'm leaving here today. Push me and I don't like that, stop that because I'm gonna fight back. Listen to me when I say you're never gonna hurt me again, and there's no way to take back all those things you did. You'll never hurt me again. No matter what you say, I'm gonna get away. That is the last time that you ever put your hands on me. Don't say that you're sorry, don't make things harder than they have to be. You can keep your problems and your drama, that shit I don't need. All I can say is that's the way that this has got to be. Doesn't matter what you say, you're never gonna hurt me again and there's no way to take back all those things you did, you'll never hurt me again...no matter what you say I'm gonna get away from all the things that I regret, and all the things I can't forget, for everything you put me through, I'm leaving here because of you. You're never gonna hurt me, again.
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Friday, December 16th, 2005

Time:1:48 am.
I am happy for once. I have something to look forward to finally! Yay for me!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, December 3rd, 2005

Subject:stupid dumbshit goddamn motherfucker
Time:11:15 pm.
Mood: crappy.

Hmm..Weird. Work work work. Courtney came to visit for Thanksgiving and it was great!! I've missed her so much, it's been two years since I last saw her and I finally met my godson Nathaniel.

Then work work work.
Did nothing for my birthday. Rob got me the best present ever though. He paid $50 for the rest of my tattoo!! so awesome!! <3

Getting him something good for Christmas!! Everyone else too...duh.

Met a new guy at the Fear Factory show back in mid-November. His name is Christian. Navy-go figure-works in the hospitals. He's really fun though. From LA so he's got a lot of character!! We're finally going to hang out Monday and watch movies. He's not feeling too hot right now so I'm making him some soup.

Going to see NIN in March. Haha..suckers!!


that is all.

I said good day.
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Wednesday, November 9th, 2005

Subject:Goth Prom.
Time:11:45 pm.
The Goth Prom was terrible. I was very disapointed. I don't know what everyones problem was, I guess because I'm not a regular there on Goth Night. I personally think it was because I looked better than everyone else, and Ive got the pictures to prove it. Plus Logan left at likie 11:45 so i stayed will 12 and Mandy and I went to her new place that she's moving into soon and hung out with those kats for a few. Actually until 4:30am. Came home and passed out. Since I had today off, I slept it away. Which was nice. Woke up and lounged around the house allllllll day!!! Cooked a really good dinner, cleaned and watched TV with my mom.
I got my new tattoo on Friday. Sweet stuff guys. I've only got the outline done right now, but we're going to finish it soon. $100 a hour...not bad. He's an awesome artist too.

So heres what you've all been waiting for....the moment of truth.

Goth Prom and my new tattoo.

learn it, live it, love it.
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Monday, October 31st, 2005

Time:7:59 pm.
Happy Halloween kids!!!
Last night was the best time I've had since last November 29th! Everyone was all dressed up and dancing our little hearts out!!! Logan was an angle and Andi was The Queen of Hearts, I was a black cat and there were SOOOOOOOO many other awesome costumes there!! The music was great, I danced for 3 hours straight!! Logan is my favoite dance partner EVER! We make a great team!! I'll have pictures soon!!!

I met a pretty nice guy too, his name is Jamie, he was Satan, I sold my soul to him for a saucer of milk. Which I havent gotten yet.....but he seems real nice....though...he has a kid. Yikes.

PJay I got your card today!! Thank you so much I think it's wonderful!! Perfect timing!!!!

I guess that is about it for right now. Keep in touch kiddies!!

Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, October 30th, 2005

Subject:How freaking exciting!!
Time:12:46 am.
Mood: HOORAY!.
Joe (from PA not Stacy) is coming to visit next week!! Me, him and Kitty are all getting dolled up and going to the Gothic Prom on Nov. 8th!!! It is going to be so fabulous!!!
I've missed him so much!!! YAY!!

oh and PS.

This chicken is awesome.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, October 24th, 2005

Subject:Suffering should be creative, should give birth to something good and lovely.
Time:10:19 pm.
Mood: creative.
I've been having many wars with myself. With so much time to myself I have plenty of time to think about my life, where it's going, and where I would like it to go. I'm ready mentally and emotionally to leave home and live by myself. However, my finances won't allow me to. I do not want to stay in Virginia much longer. It's wearing me down slowly but surely. I have always wanted to live in Florida, here lies War 1. I want to go there so badly, but I'm afraid to because I don't think I'd be as happy there since Andy passed on. And then there is the the second problem: I don't want to go alone. The people I would love more than anything to come with me, have their own lives to attend to. It would be so unfair of me to ask them to leave it all behind and come with me. So in the end, I'll be the only one who is holding me back. I've never been one to stand in my own way though. Espcially when there are so many people out there who want me to fail and expect me to fail. What to do, what to do.

On a better note. Work is work. Still. I like it though, because it gets me out of my house for a few hours everyday. I am thinking of picking up a night job as well. Just to get my feet on the ground. I would like to have money saved by April so I can get my own place with someone. Any volunteers?

I'm getting my tattoo Friday afternoon. The outline atleast. I am buying my car next week as well. Some things are finally coming together. The Halloween atmopshere usually puts me in a good mood, but this year it doesn't seem to be kicking in just yet. I'm actually looking forward to the Christmas season. I hope that it snows. The fall/winter makes me happy. of course this November is going to be quite sad for me.

That is all for now. Leave some love for me or don't.
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, October 12th, 2005

Subject:If you give a moose a muffin....
Time:9:55 pm.
Mood: AHHHH.
You would think I would learn my lesson by now. But NOOOOOOOOOO, I try and do something nice for a good friend of mine and what happens? They knock it down and ruin it.
Mandy's birthday is Sunday and we were going to have a big dinner at my house with everyone here and then go bowling. She was cool with that two days ago, but then today she comes to tell me that she wants to make dinner herself at her house to ensure that everyone will show up, and not go bowling at all. Fine, it's your birthday, do what you want. But all I was trying to do was take you out and let you relax and have fun on your day. Doesn't matter now, I told Ryanne I would work on Sunday so that's what I'll be doing all day. Screw this. AND she was all uneasy about Lindz coming to the party. Excuse me, but last time I checked, Lindz is the only friend I have that has never once gotten mad at me or vise versa, she's supported me in everything I've ever done or wanted to do, she has never once EVER told me that I should or should not be friends with someone for any reason, regardless of how she feels about them, and she gives everyone she meets a huge meaningful smile and acts like a real lady. Six years we've been friends..and never once have we been on thin ice. I cannot say that about anyone else I know. Now, maybe it is wrong of me to compare other people to her, but right now I just don't care.
I like to believe that I am a very nice, accepting and understanding person. I treat everyone the same, and I do not judge you by the way you look or act or what you like and dislike. I have a wide variety of friends and I love them each with all of my heart, but for different reasons. You're all unique and I wouldn't change a single one of you. But when you try to change me, that's where I draw my line. When I start getting walked on for no reason...bye bye.

I'm out.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, October 9th, 2005

Subject:~ Zang ~
Time:10:06 pm.
Let's see. This week was interesting. Khia started talking to me again at work. But she's still an ass to Ryanne. Which pisses me off. Aletha's mad at me because the dum dum left her contact in a soda bottle lid on the bathroom sink at work and I accidently threw it away. Me and Ryanne have an ass load of work to do tomorrow and Tuesday too. Busy busy.

We went to 80's night again but it wasn't that great. Although my hair did look FANTASTIC! We left early and went to IHOP. Last night me and Lindz went bowling! We both were horrible but we had the most fun either of us have had in a long time. So afterwards we went to Steppin' Out and saw her mommy and her sister<3!! And then came home. Woke up and went to work..again.

So along time ago before I was in Kindergarden my mom watched her best friends two boys, Justin and Daniel. Well in 1998 Trazina (their mom) died. And that was pretty much the last time my mom saw them...but it has been about 13 years for me. Well Justin is in the coast guard now and is stationed in Little Creek so he's coming to visit tomorrow!!!!!!!! I am so super excited it's not even funny! I can't wait!!! And Tuesday night he's going to try and make Daniel come over and we're all eating dinner together!! Either way Justin is still coming!! =)

That is all,

leave some love.

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Thursday, September 29th, 2005

Subject:This is the best thing I've ever seen.
Time:8:06 pm.

Wha ha ha ha! No one can stop me and my precious hurricane!"

"Mr. President. I'm afraid that Rita is more powerful than we thought."

"o rly? How so?"

"It appears she has powered herself up to a catagory five and is proceeding to take over the lower region of the united states."

"Ha ha ha ha! Soon the Unites States shall belong to me!"


"Mr President?..."

"Send in the Power Rangers"

*Power Rangers Theme*

"Good luck, Rangers"

"What?! The Power Rangers?!"

Red Ranger: "Alright guys! Let's stop this witch!"

Rest: "Right!"

"You won't beat me and my hurricane!"



"Use your Dragonzord!!"

"I likes Dragonzord."


"Oh noes!"

"Mr. President I believe we are winning!"

"I can't watch!!!"

"Ha Ha, Dragonzord is no match for my Category 5 Hurricane!"

"I believe in you, Power Rangers."

"R-ROARZ! Dragonzord can't take anymore!"

"Shall we evacuate the Gulf Coast Mr. President?"

"No. No. Wait until the Power Rangers unleash their weapons of mass destruction."

"But sir, wouldn't that still cost us thousands of lives?"

"Boy I'll tell ya that pink one, aint she a cutey?"

"Ready to give up the United states to me?!?"


"Well, are you?"







Cheney: "No."


"Only I can sentence the citizens of Texas to death."

"Send all available troops to the Gulf Coast immediately to assist the Power Rangers."

"Sir, everyone's fighting Iraq right now."

"Boy I'll tell ya that pink one, aint she a cutey?"

Red Ranger: "Crap, we're all doomed"

"Sergent, lik, what's the status?"

Sergent: "Seems like the hurricane is approaching. The Power Rangers deployed their Megazord by the coast, sir."

"Oh Snapz! Megaz0rz Go!!!"

"Sir, is the Megazord enuff?"

"You underes...under-est...und...undesti...condemn teh Power Ranj0rz? You sir are stripped of your rank!"

Red Ranger: "Alright guys. Let's tame this hurricane!"

"Not so fast, Rangers! Goldar! Go and protect my hurricane!"

"I like gooooooooooooold."


"May god save America...!"

Bush: "g2g brb"

All: "The president is LEAVING?"

"George Bush doesn't care about Black Rangers!"

"hmm...guess it's up to me."

"Hecko, Cali?"

Later that day...

All in Megazord: "Who the heck?!"

"yaa, zee whit housse cawled mee. Look like yoo Powaa Rawingaz neeed help."

"Hasta La Vista, Rita!"

Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, September 26th, 2005

Time:11:10 pm.
Mood: always depressed.
So since I found out about Andy's death I've been very depressed yet somehow I find the strength to get out of bed still and continue on each day. I know that's how he's want it. I think about him all the time..even when I'm talking about something completly different he's on my mind. I'll see him soon enough though.

So aside from wanting to drink myself into oblivion every night (which I've done a good job of not doing)I have been working a lot. I got moved to full time so I get all my benifits back. We finally found someone new to hire and as soon as she gets in the system we're firing Khia!! YAY! I hate her.

I hung out with Ryanne Wednesday night and touched up my roots and then Thursday afternoon and night we hung out again at her house getting ready for 80's night. I looked so super hot. I'll have pics soon. We didn't dance much because she's afraid to ever since she broke her ankle dancing a while back. Santana was there and we danced some which was nice. I <3 seeing him. Then finally with a half hour left Ryanne got on the floor and we danced! She's so super!

Friday and Saturday night I didn't do much. Rob came over and so did Mandy on Sat. night and we sat around and bullshitted. Brett called me at 1am to tell me he was drunk. Dirtbag.
Then Sunday night was the Diecast/Ill Nino show and Stephanie had free tickets so we were gonna go together but her car strted acting up so we decided to eat at IHOP and hang out at my house instead. We had a blast!! Catching up on everything we've missed in the last few months and laughing our heads off at everything! Our waiter was so adorable..he kept getting nervous and hanging around the table to talk to us. So cute! Her and I are going to take dance lessons on Thursdays!! So fantastic!!! So then we came back to my house and Rob came over and we all hung out and talked. They eventually left and I went to bed. Woke up and headed to work.

Ryanne bought me a present at Eckerd....it's an orange cat that poops out jellybeans!! It's so funny!! It cracks me up every time!!!

Tomorrow night Kitty is coming to see me and she's staying Wed. night too. We're gonna go baby shopping and stuff for Sara all day and that night we're going to Secret Dance Night at The Wave!! Hooray!!
I really need to be around people these days. Andy's death sent me into another depression. And I don't want to be alone.

That is all.

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